What pronoun would you
prefer? It’s a strange question to ask individuals, but it is an issue that
transgender individuals often have to face.
It’s a pronoun mistake we often don’t wish to commit and we may feel guilty
for offending transgender individuals.
It is an example of oppressive language and of cissexist in which it all
hurts transgender people.
I won’t argue, but it
is difficult figuring out which preferred pronoun a person wishes to use. We are accustomed to use “he” for male and “she”
for female, however, we cannot always distinguish between transgender
individuals and we must be mindful as to which pronoun they prefer so as to not
disrespect them. If we do ask transgender
individuals what prefer pronoun they would like to use, we should be kind and
intentional about the way we ask. It is a question that hurts transgender
people and it is completely our fault if we get such pronoun wrong after
knowing which pronoun the person whishes to use.
We should never assume
which pronouns we should use based on someone’s appearance. We may think that because a transwoman
dresses more feminine that is reasonable to use the pronoun “she” but that is
not always the case. Some transwoman may
just prefer to use “he” to avoid any linguistic violence. I have witnessed such situation in which some
transwoman prefer to use “he” instead of “she” and it has made me understand
that transgender people differ from person to person.
In certain situations I
have come to witness how some individuals are perplexed as to which pronoun to
use amongst transgender individuals and this happens all the time! We don’t know
whether we should refer to them as “he” or “she” and we think that it may be
easier to refer to transgender people as “it” as it won’t cause any
problem to them. However, referring to
them as “it” is inhumane, as we are pushing transgender people away from the
social body and perceiving them as artificial in society.
I have been in situations
in which I didn’t know how to refer to a transgender person. I didn’t want to offend or make them think
that I was teasing their gender transformation. I found it difficult, but the
only way I was able to know which pronoun transgender people preferred was to
ask in a subtle way that wouldn’t offend them.
Related Video: Trans Parent: How I Came out to my Son
In circumstances, it
even becomes difficult to know for children which preferred pronoun their transgender
parent would want to use. At a young
age, it is confusing to distinguish whether they should use “he” or “she” for their
transgender parent. It is a barrier that they have to confront and it makes it
no easier if society keeps draining transgender people with the misuse of
pronouns.
The use of pronouns
among transgender people becomes even more difficult in school settings. They tend to be furthered teased by students because
of their transgression. However, it also
challenges other students and even teachers as they don't know how they should
refer to them. Some schools have adopted a non-gender language in which they
try to eliminate gender-specific pronouns.
It makes it easier for transgender people to integrate into a community
where pronoun use isn’t a challenge.
I do think that a lot of the misuse of pronoun
among transgender individuals is unintentional.
But there is a difference in being unintentional and intentional and
those who do it intentionally are shaming the transgender community. If you know what preferred pronoun a trans*
would like to use, a simple “I’m sorry” won’t work if you continue to harass
transgender people. We commit such
language violence that builds our ignorance about transgender people. We must
become aware that if we get their pronoun right it makes it easier for
transgender people to live a better life.
Sources:
Battaglino, Stephanie. “Trans Parent: How I Came out to My Son.” HuffpostLive Highlights. Web. 26 Nov. 2013.
Conlin, Jennifer. “The Freedom to Choose Your Pronoun.” The New York Times. 30 Sep. 11. Web. 26 Nov. 2013
Conlin, Jennifer. “The Freedom to Choose Your Pronoun.” The New York Times. 30 Sep. 11. Web. 26 Nov. 2013
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